How to Avoid Money Envy

Reader Comments
Back to blog

I'm 39 years old. I have no debts. I own two houses outright. I have money in the bank. I'm in a high paid job and I'm healthy. This is quite a lucky position to be in so why am I still envious of my brother? He has done considerably better than me. These thoughts of envy are with me virtually all the time. I know they are unhealthy but I can't just switch them off. There is nothing I can do about it unless I win the lottery so I have to get over it somehow. I've been feeling like this for about 10 years now. What made it worse was that I spent a lot of money on a business venture to try to catch up with my brother and lost all the money I put in. As a result I'm now filled with regret as well as envy and the financial gap between has increased. I'm still financially well off but it still doesn't ease these feelings. I'm just sick and tired of feeling like this. I write this in the hope that it will help me but I doubt it.

James 1:55PM May 01, 2011

I was raised in an upper/ upper middle-class family and enjoyed what now appears to me to be an ultra-luxurious lifestyle. Yet I thought that lifestyle was perfectly normal at the time. Even though I work full-time, I am lucky if I have enough cash in my bank account to afford a tank of gas. How can I keep from feeling so horribly envious and resentful that I have not attained the same financial status that my other family members have achieved? I have many blessings in my life, yet I am weighed down with feelings of inadequacy whenever I am around my family or my old hometown. My mother's comment to me tonight when I expressed my feelings was that it's okay to envy what other people have. Is she on crack? Aren't I supposed to have an attitude of gratitude and appreciate that I am not unemployed and living in a homeless shelter? Is there some balance I can find that will keep me from feeling like my soul is being eaten away by the green monster?

Elizabeth of IL 11:55PM April 17, 2009

Thanks for such a sensitive discussion. I am one of those obsessive -compulsive types. I think my values regarding money were in part due to the implosions my parents had whenever they disagreed about money. Mother was a stay-at-home Mom who babysat other folks' kids for her own money. She was a shop-aholic--especially at thrift stores for abandoned designer clothes and other stuff. I am now finding out that I am my Mother's child because I shop way too much. I believe it's a false sense of power and control that's operating.
I learned a bitter lesson. I went to prison. Now I know that less can mean more. I became more grateful and humble that I had a home to return to as I met some women who were released without any place they could call home.
I've learned what's really important...saving money for my retirement, creating memories for my grandchildren and being of service to others. I also have some major health issues no amount of money or "stuff" can cure. So I take one day at a time and I'm working on getting straightened out about my money values.

Twinkie1 of MO 1:09AM April 15, 2008

Thanks for this article..I think all of us need to learn how to balance our own life instead of judging and comparing what others possesses. I wish everyone could be less distracted and be more focus of what we got.

ajn of LA 8:09PM December 18, 2007

Great article. It was thought provoking. I take great pride in trying my best to be fiscally responsible and financially prudent. It definitely makes me feel better that those who have more than you, are not necessarily doing better financially. It certainly does provide more psychological comfort, when you know that the newly tailored Amarni suit that your friend is boasting about was bought on store credit :) .
As a side note, although we are all susceptible to envy, I also think it is very immature to feel that you have to keep up with other people. Wouldn't you say? For goodness sake, aren't we not responsible, and civilized adults, who can get beyond the sophomoric Jr High School mentality of envy.
Grow up!

Michael of WA 7:55PM December 18, 2007

This article describes exactly what i try to tell my wife. Living on a budget is extremely difficult when others seem to be attaining more stuff. But tht is all it is ; Is stuff. my argument is to state to myself this is my income bracket this is what i have and i am happy with it , mainly because it is paid for...... To counter attack my wife's argumen when the JONES" get something I say yeah but it aint theirs yet ,, cause they have not paid the credit card bill ... VIsa still owns it baby....and them...

Moonc of GA 1:58PM December 18, 2007

This is a great reminder of the wisdom of living in gratitude for what we do have and not comparing ourselves to those who appear to have more. Thank you for a wonderful piece of writing. I will print it and stick it on my fridge!

Lynne Stokell of CA 1:30PM December 18, 2007

Even if you have never overcharged and saved your money before you have spent it. You may be better off than most people but it is still very difficult to retire. Do you have any advise on how to retire by even 62?

Beth of IL 12:56PM December 18, 2007

THIS IS SO TRUE! I HAVE A FRIEND THAT IS CONSTANTLY BUYING THINGS ONLINE OR AT THE MALLS. THIS IS TO THE POINT THAT IS HAS CONSUMED HER. I MYSELF WAS LIVING THIS WAY AND IT CAME TO END WITH FINANCIAL DISASTER, I AM CLIMBING MY WAY UP NOW BUT I LOOK AT HER AND I WANT TO TELL HER TO GET AHOLD OF HERSELF BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE, BUT I NEED TO MIND MY OWN BUSINESS AND I AM NOT 100% SURE THAT SHE IS USING CREDIT CARDS.

of 12:52PM December 18, 2007

One rule I have always lived by is that if I can't pay for it now (cash) then I don't NEED it. Only once in my life (I'm 44) have I had a balance on my credit card after paying the bill. I believe that the only things anyone should take out a loan for is for a home or a car. Remember, any charge on a credit card is a LOAN!!!

Jody of WI 9:14AM December 07, 2007