Should Women Keep a Secret Money Stash?

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We actually use something like a stash system. Our paychecks are deposited into a joint account and all bills are paid from this account. But we also treat our "stash" accounts as a bill to be paid from this account. On each deposit, 10% goes into a joint ING savings account, 5% to his individual ING account, and 5% to my individual ING account. (we're each benefactor on each other's accounts.) This way we each have our own money AND we're still saving as a household.
So we each have a stash, it's just not a secret. If he decides he wants to blow his stash in Vegas or on a night out with the guys, I might not think that's the best decision, but it's his money.

Gayle of CA 6:55PM March 19, 2008

I think to a degree you are right, Mike -- these grandmothers recommended that women have a secret stash because historically, women have not had equal access to money. Men have earned more (and still do). Even though it's 2008, there are, unfortunately, still some inequalities when it comes to women and money.
But I completely agree that when it comes to a healthy marriage, openness is key. That's one reason I don't have a secret stash.
Of course, what people do with their secret stash is a completely different issue altogether.

Kimberly Palmer of 5:18PM March 19, 2008

This line of thinking seems sexist and divisive to me.
If a married couple has a shared account, why shouldn't either partner be able to spend it on what they want or need? Why should the husband be kept in the dark? Secrets usually only hurt marriages.
Should the husband keep his own secret fund that his wife never knows about, "just-in-case"? Say, secret money she couldn't touch in a divorce? Or cash that he can blow in Vegas or AC, or on strippers or expensive nights out with the guys, without his wife whining about it? That probably sounds sexist, right?
It's essentially the same thing.
To say that women should feel justified in a secret stash "so she can do what she wants" to me implies that she is being oppressed, or doesn't have an equal say in their relationship.
If that's the case then she's probably got problems that a secret stash most likely can't fix. Sounds more like a relationship issue than a financial one.
Either way, the last time I checked it was 2008. Both women and men work, and both women and men share housework and child-rearing duties. Sure, that may not be the case in all relationships, but it seems prevalent in the middle-class at this point. Equal contribution (both financial and non-financial) should result in equal control over finances.
Maybe the women in the article haven't contributed equally, and thus they felt a need to sneak around?

Mike of NY 12:13PM March 19, 2008

I find this idea pretty humorous, as it's completely backward to my situation. I do all the day-to-day finances, so if anyone needs a knipple, it's my husband!

Elizabeth of WI 11:50AM March 19, 2008