Starting Over, Financially

Reader Comments
Back to blog

Just got back from deployment and getting out of army due to exercise related injury. Have to start over, I am terrified, I have a family and no idea where to go or what to do, the classes the military offer are worthless 3 days to teach you how to write a resume, and your boss doesnt want you to attend those, I was told just move in with family, my parents are already housing my sibling and her family, .......I guess I just want a resolution before we become another statistic.

somuchforserving of GA 1:39AM November 07, 2011

I can definitely sympathize w/you.
AFter losing my only money ($25000 due to settlement), I've adopted a new money rule: Financial responsibility is about learning to get along on a fixed income, whether that be from a pension, SSD, or a preset allowance you assign to yourself for every week and/or month. Save the rest. Remember,
NO matter how sad you feel, remember there's most likely someone who's worse off.
One of my new beliefs that I've decided to adopt-" With every adversity comes with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit." And it's true.
I wish you well.,
Rob

Robert of FL 6:11AM March 26, 2011

Congratulations on your strength. I can't seem to find it. I share a similar story. Where in SC?

Robert of SC 10:01PM August 12, 2010

Wow. I came to the right place to share my story. Here was my recipe for personal collapse:
Be a woman and be single.
Be in a deep recession.
Work for a failing global consulting company.
Move to LA randomly after coming back from assignment in Iraq.
Live far, far away from your family.
Work 60 hour weeks so you have no friends and no boyfriend.
Get a DUI. Pay out 10K.
Listen to your boss tell you every day, "one day we promise we will let you date."
Lose your job in a really backhanded, slap in the face way.
Turn 30.
Study like mad for the GMAT 12 hours a day for 3 months.
Have your dad die.
Deal with that.
Never take the GMAT. Forget all the information.
Have a meltdown about feminism and how it has done you wrong.
Be really scared about being alone.
Date everyone on Match.com to try and find a husband ASAP.
Date in LA. Date musicians.
Forget men and kids and resolve to be a workaholic again.
Have roommate issue involving the drama of 4 women.
Move even further away from the friends you finally had to start a job search.
Do a job search all by yourself in a new city, knowing no one.
Realize you have always hated your career.
Realize your career has hated you and has done its best to get rid of you.
Realize every damn step you took to make progress since turning 30 has been a waste.
Move back home to South Carolina.
Be REALLY grateful you have a parent to go home to and a place to go.
Wait for God to do something.
The best part is - I now know it is possible to have indestructible happiness no matter what is crashing down around you. Thank you for Grace!

Karen of CA 8:25PM August 11, 2010

I find that as a male, going through a divorce, trying the best to stay a part of my children's life and not have things get nasty and seriously failing at relationships before marriage, that as I turn 30 my therapy in starting over, is writing a book.
Now I am not pretending to be a life coach, or a literary scholar, nothing of the sort. Just a simple person with a story that maybe a handful can relate to.
I made my mistakes, I can acknowledge them, so with that I started writing. My book may be more man-centered, but I am sure that when all is said and done both sexes will be able to take something away from it!
I'm blessed and give thanks that my kids are healthy, I am healthy and I get to have another shot at making something of myself, and being the thing I am proudest of most, a father! I got the word that I have cancer, but it's the least of my worries. I have men to raise and each day brings some type of new gift.
Wish me luck, as I wish all of you starting over the same along with health, happiness and tons of laughter and love!

Miguel 3:37PM March 21, 2010

I totally understand about starting over. I got sick, betrayed by family, had a family member die who from a brain disease, but not before he took a good whack at ruining the business himself as part of his dementia, and I am left with some chronic health conditions and things will never be as solid between me and my family as they were prior. On the plus side I finally understand things about my immediate family that never seemed to quite ring true to me, Albeit at a horribly high cost, but I am grateful for the truth no matter the cost. anyway, still diggin out of my health issues while I have yet to make a viable switch in my career field and my money is running out. SOOOOOO.... how bout some good books on starting over for men. I did manage to stay out of heavy debt so far and I am not married which is both good and bad. But I must say I was deeply dispointed to see that in your article you do not address both genders. If you are going to address starting over and give some good specific gender focused books then why would you all ommit men? I am so tired of being the blamed majority and at the same time the overlooked category. SO how bout some seriously good advice for men starting over. We are out there you know, kind smart, college educated, unmarried men with some miles under our belt and some constraints that we did not have to deal with as very young men. Like in my case some health issues, and some issues of family scarring. I shll be interested to see if Get any response from our venerable magazine.

A man of NM 10:48AM December 18, 2008

I had a massive stroke at 23 years of age. One minute I was asn assistant supervisor, running three departments single handedly & the next I couldn't even sit up, much less walk or move my left hand. I learned the hard way that you can't even crawl w/an entire side paralyized.
When I was wheeled into the Rehab center which was to become my home for a month, I learned a VERY IMPORTANT lesson: There is ALWAYS someone worse off than you are. I was young, so I rehabbed fairly quickly.
On the other hand, I will be living with my deficits for probably close to fifty years.
My husband became abusive because I copuldn't wait on him hand & foot, anymore. One thing seems to make the other thing topple as well.
Feeling sorry fpor myself is not my intention. My faith took me through my stroke, & the dealth of my hubby at 29 years of age. I had three young boys to raise single-handedly. At 7, 3, & nine months old, they had to adjust to being raised by a single, disabled Mom. We all survived. My boys are men now. My oldest made me a Grandmother at 44. I married my childhood sweetheart eleven years ago. My life is good, now.
"This too shall pass". It is true.
Find something to stand on & hold on tight, just make sure it is immoveable.

Renee Newman of MO 11:44PM September 21, 2008

It is not the end of the world! Right! I have lost health and money. Fine! there are so many things that can be done as long as we are alive.Build a business! I assure you I can share with you what I'm doing!Interested? write me:bentenden@yahoo.com
And give thanks to whoever it is for the free air we breathe!

Benita of 6:42PM September 21, 2008

he's only 33 imagen people in their fifties?...I'd like to go back to school but I wonder is it worth it at 54 to make a better pension?...can somebody answer that?

Rosi 5:44PM September 21, 2008

I think many of us have experienced the same thing. As a few others have wrote, many have lost money, jobs, and loved ones througout the years. Although not the sadest, it seems like the financial aspect has hit almost everyone that has tried to leap over that 'middle-class' hurdle. Prior to 2000, folks were making $$$ investing in the stock market. The ones that got in and jumped straight out kept some money. The rest lost it. Then when 2000 hit, many saw home ownership as a lottery and started grabbing not only their piece of the pie, but more. Some took second mortgage loans on their second, or third home to buy their fourth and fifth. Again, if they were really lucky, they got out before it 'burst' as we all heard was impossible (when many compared it to the stock bubble). Almost a decade latter, and the tax payers are bailing out the housing market, which hits those that have just been plugging along. Eveyone pays for mistakes. The family that took the second mortgage to put in the pool, or go on an expensive vacation, buy a sports car, and so forth, is the same family that walked away from their home, because it went up $300. Anyone can quit. I know so many people have debt that they have refused to be rid of. Me too. Should we all just throw in the towel? What good does a 700 score do you when banks now have to lower their standard in order to loan money out? Now we're bailing out Money Markets, and foreign banks. I'm the one that's pessimistic and tired of it all. WHEN and HOW will we ever find another stable economy in America? Everyone wants a fast buck, and nobody wants to work hard. I've had so many friends that were getting ahead to lose everything and are now renting or living with parents/relatives. It's very sad. My older friends (68-98) are losing their wealth to health issues, because insurance programs are lacking and nobody cares about the elderly. If you've seen "Into the Wild", I think you can start to understand why Christopher McCandless left society.

Rob of NC 4:07PM September 21, 2008