5 Ways to Save at Weddings

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Just feeling like I have to weigh in on the subject of people who show up to a wedding without a gift. My husband invited two former co-workers of his. Not only did they show up late (and end up in the background of the pictures of me walking down the aisle as a result), they brought dates and did not even so much as give us a card. The only proof I have that they were there is in the background of my pictures. I also had someone who cancelled at the last minute and then didn't even acknowledge my wedding with a card, after my husband and I went to two of her weddings! We invited people who we wanted to be there and not for gifts. I don't presume to know everyone's financial situations, but at least a card to acknowledge the biggest moment of our lives to date would have been nice. I don't think that's too much to ask - it's just etiquette. Personally, I would be mortified to go to a wedding and not give something to the couple (and I don't mean from the dollar store).

amy of NJ 1:37PM August 22, 2008

BBQs or picnics the next day are excellent - I wish I'd done that! Cotton dresses work great for bridesmaids- they can wear them again & they'll appreciate the price. Send the thank yous out ASAP!
Be on time or early, please! (I was truly annoyed when the inlaws were 90 mins late for pics *before* the noon wedding. The hubby saw me before the wedding & all our formal pics were done before I cried at my own wedding-shoulda never looked at Mom & Dad, that's when I lost it, when they looked so proud.)
We decided the ceremony would be full Catholic nuptial mass & the reception purely a party. It worked out *so* well! The mass was beautiful - we used contemporary, well known songs & lots of family sang. The recep was excellent, everyone danced, even our priest & all the parents & grands. I love the pics of 90% of the guests on the dance floor at the same time! We even hired an Elvis impersonator, whom everyone loved! We used caterer, florist, photographer & cake baker who all knew each other & worked together before & were all referrals from people. (We had leftovers for days, so I know people got fed.)
I was surprised at the gifts we received - so many & so very nice! We made our own registry, since some people could probably only afford $10-20 gifts. We were stunned at the expensive & beautiful gifts & i still try to thank people & mention how much I love their gift years later, even just the towels. (It really makes a difference, ie 7 months after a cousin's wedding, that aunt L smiles because i love the silver she bought us 7 years before!)
My bridesmaids wore black simple dresses (catalog ordered) & looked awesome. I didn't dictate shoes or jewelry.
These days it's about finding a few really neat, inventive things to comment on at people's weddings. I look for something cool, smart, fresh & tell the bride & groom's parents that day. Later, I write the couple or email & mention those ideas again, so they have a good memory & so do I. It gives me a mental snapshot & an upbeat feeling about their wedding. It's hard not to gossip sometimes, but the intent to find something admirable helps a lot & always makes a bride smile.

Amy of CA 1:26PM August 22, 2008

I would also like to add that if you aren't sure you can come, don't RSVP you will. If you can it will be a nice surprise especially if you don't plan to eat. I had over 80 RSVP's and only 40 showed. I paid for a very nice meal at the nicest restaurant and hotel in town for each of those that didn't show up. I would have much rather saved that $800 for my honeymoon or some such. Especially since a bunch of those that didn't show were foisted upon my husband and I by family and not people we to whom we were close. And those that didn't show never apologized or acknowledged it.

Kari of IA 1:12PM August 22, 2008

As for gift giving/receiving, I have always given a gift from the registry store or where it was 'suggested' I purchase from. When I was married, I had no showers, engagement parties or bachelorette parties, but I did invite both sides of our families to a reception after we returned from Virginia where we were married. We were a little hurt, as well as disappointed, when we received absolutely NO gifts. We didn't get married just to receive gifts, but a small gift to say "congratulations" would have been welcomed and appreciated...now when I receive invitations for bridal showers, household showers, lingerie showers, all for the same recipient, yes, I feel a little bitter. It was hurtful...now it makes me wonder if they felt forced to attend our reception, we really gave as a party for everyone (dress was casual).

lisa of WV 1:11PM August 22, 2008

I live in the bay area and it is common for a couple to spend $100K for a wedding. Although a lot of it is that things are just way more expensive here, the $100K is so unnecessary. I know a girl who just spent that much yet she lives in a $650K, 40+ year old house that is falling apart. That is so ridiculous to me.
I just attended a wedding a couple of weeks ago as a guest not in the wedding party, and spent $400 on my dress, $125 on my shoes, $250 on my clutch, $75 on my jewelry, $140 on my shawl, $200 on the gift, and $500 (special wedding rate plus taxes & parking) for one night at the 5 star resort the wedding was held. I will make sure that I don't gain any weight so I can wear the same outfit from head to toe to at least 2 other weddings in the future. I am changing my gift limit to $100 as well.
I also think that you are not obligated to buy something off the registry. Good people will just be GRATEFUL that you were there and you took the time out to buy them something.

Casey of CA 1:11PM August 22, 2008

Don't bother. Go to the County Clerk's office and get a civil ceremony and have your reception at Hooter's with a no host bar. Great on saving money for the divorce in five years...

George Bush, Jr. of MD 1:10PM August 22, 2008

My best friend was just married over the weekend. Standing up in her wedding was costly, which everyone including the bride herself, understood. Of course I was happy to do it though. One thing that saved me some money was just getting a friend to do my hair for the wedding. Right there that saved me $40.00 and my hair looked great!

Jasmine of IN 12:58PM August 22, 2008

Some above comments are crazy. I have never heard of the bride and groom not wanting gifts. In the American culture we celebrate with others and give gifts. Birthdays, babies, weddings, holidays are all in the category that you would want to give somthing you know the reciever can use. Yes, the economy is down right now, however, there are some individuals not terribly affected by it.
Registries are there for a reason, you can very easily find a gift in your price range that the recievers want, as opposed to going to the dollar store.
Just because the divorce rate is higher now than it was in the 50's doesn't mean the principles aren't the same. You will still find two people that have those classic principles. In these situations the bride and groom are using hand-me- down towels and dishes from garage sales that dont match. You should get nice things when you get married. It would be embarrasing to have guests over and all the dishes looked old and didn't match.

April of TX 12:51PM August 22, 2008

I have a friend who threw her daughter a $50,000 wedding. Maybe in the upper society, that's not much but in my circle, that's a fortune. They got a Rolls Royce for the bride and limousines for the entire wedding party. They spent nearly $4,000 on flowers alone! The reception had a SEPARATE ROOM for desserts and there was not just a cake, but the ENTIRE ROOM was filled to overflowing with every imaginable dessert. Do you know how much of that was still there at the end of the night? Almost all of it. What a waste. But the tackiest thing was, the mother pulled me aside a few weeks before the wedding and said that she was "informing" everyone that each couple should give $400 as the wedding gift to cover the expenses!!!! Have you ever heard of such a thing?? Talk about tacky! Hey, I didn't have a Rolls Royce when I got married and I certainly didn't tell you to get one for your kid!

Fed up with weddings (and greediness) of 12:40PM August 22, 2008

There is a lot of controversy about whether or not to put "no gifts" on the invitations. The original idea behind wedding gifts was to help a young couple starting out furnish a home, but with 2nd, 3rd and more marriages, more older folks with homes getting married these days, that is not necessarily true anymore. I debated this long and hard for my wedding, but finally decided to go with tradition and not put "no gifts" on the invitation. To say "no gifts" IMPLIES that is everyone is going to give a gift, which is not true. Some of course, will give a gift anyway. I agree that any gift given should be accepted graciously and a thank-you note written. In our case, we had many people call and ask us what we wanted for a gift--we were not registered anywhere. We then said that we wanted donations made to certain charities, and to please tell others who asked. This seemed to work well, and we did NOT receive many gifts, just mostly cards with well-wishes and donations to the charities which was fine with us.

of VA 12:37PM August 22, 2008