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Parents and Adult Kids Living Together

June 11, 2009 RSS Feed Print

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I last interviewed Cindy and Gary Smith and their daughter and son-in-law Katy and Keith Hewson, about a year and a half ago, while I was researching a story on how adult kids increasingly rely on their parents for financial support. In the Smith and Hewsons' case, the financial benefit goes both ways: At the time, both couples lived together in the Smiths' Houston townhouse, where the Smiths covered the mortgage and the Hewsons paid for the utilities, cable, and other bills. Plus, they enjoyed each other's company, so it was a win-win situation. At the time, they expected the arrangement to last another year or so, or until the Hewsons has saved enough money to buy a home of their own.

I recently checked back on them to see if their plans came to pass. They did -- the Hewsons bought their own place, a single-family house, about a year ago. But the big surprise was that the couples are still living together. Keith Hewson, a pilot, asked his in-laws to move into their new house with them so they could continue their inter-generational living arrangement since it had been working out so well. Now, the Hewsons pay the mortgage while the Smiths cover the bills and groceries. In addition to the financial benefits, Keith Hewson likes knowing that his wife isn't alone when he's traveling for his job for much of the workweek.

"I wish more people would consider it," says Cindy Smith. "As long as you have the financial situation worked out and organized, it's not a relationship where one is taking advantage of the other," she says. She and her husband were recently about to pay for a 28-day cruise to western Europe, which cost around $8,000, entirely out of the savings that they had accumulated by their living arrangement.

What do you think -- are the Hewsons and Smiths unique in their ability to make inter-generational living work, or is this the way of the future?

Tags:: personal finance

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Four years ago, my adult daughter and I bought an old bungalow-style duplex together. I live upstairs and she lives downstairs, but we both actually live in the whole house. She cooks; I do dishes. She gardens; I mow the lawn. We share common expenses like the mortgage, cable bill, gas and electric and water bills. It is really kind of living together, but yet we each have our own space that we can decorate as we see fit. When the whole family gathers (I also have two adult sons), it is at our house around my dining room table or in our backyard during the warmer months. This living arrangement allows us to own a house we really want and it gives us each some financial flexibility. We each have a healthy respect for each other's independence and privacy and yet we have each other's companionship. This totally works for us.

Bonnie of WI 4:31PM June 15, 2009

live at home unless it's an absolute necessity (which it is now). I love my mom dearly, but living with her means ceding my independence and living by her rules. Perhaps if we had a bigger house, where each of us could have our own space. Or a house with an inlaw apartment. We have different visions of the kitchen and bathrooms (like bath mats, I love the soft furry kind with the rubber bottoms, she doesn't). Personally I don't understand why the dishes are allowed to pile up in the sink, I end up doing them because nobody else will. As much as I HATE doing the dishes, I HATE seeing them even more than I hate doing them.
I think that when adult children move back in with parents, BOTH sides should establish ground rules and expectations. Especially considering my unemployed state and that my mom and her boyfriend are both teachers, the three of us will be home all day long starting June 22 and will inevitably drive each other crazy. I predict my mom will end up sending me north to my Nana & Pop's house just to get me out of the house, like she did the last summer I was living at home.

veronica of NH 11:50AM June 11, 2009

for people who are kind and gentle enough to each other to make this work long term. Don't we all somehow know in ourselves that the "financial arrangements", while clearly important, are not the main reason most people can't and don't do this?
It takes a very mature young couple and very mature parents to all share a single house in happiness and harmony and WANT to keep doing it.

Muser of NM 10:39AM June 11, 2009