The Rise of the Stay-At-Home Dad

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Being a stay-at-home dad was the last thing I ever thought would happen. My wife was raised to believe you should work as hard as necessary to make ends meet. I met her when she was 17 and she was working hard then. For me, I was raised to do what you want whenever you want. There was no one around to tell me any differently. And it wasn't until I got married that I got confronted with reality of life. By then, I was already set in my ways and very stubborn. I didn't know how to cope. And if it wasn't for the loving and caring nature of my wife, I likely wouldn't have learned my lesson at all.
The biggest blessing of it all is that we are both loyal to one another. We both have seen our fair share of struggle and sometimes resentment for one another. I've worked different short-term jobs over the years. But the last real job I ever had was 10 years ago. I grew up in a sheltered home, close to my mother. So you could say I have all the instincts of a mother, as well as all the skills. But I also have all the skills of a father.
Staying at home has been both a blessing and a burden. Before we had kids, I basically sat on my behind feeling lost in the world. I had no direction. No sense of purpose. But when the first child came it all changed. I had something to do. And I was good at it. Not the best. But I felt more motivated by kids. But our income was still lacking. The wife has become well known for living at work due to the need for overtime pay. So I have carried a constant feeling of guilt for years. I began college back in 2006, working on a IT degree. I just finished earning a BS in Telecommunications.
Normally, that would sound like a case of finding a clear cut path and going with it. But that has not been the case. My degree has been all but worthless at this point. During my college endeavor, we had two more children. As it turned out, they weren't so easy to handle compared to the first one. I suddenly became confronted by inner struggles I didn't know I had. It was like playing a new game and not knowing the rules. I tore myself apart to adjust. Perseverance is the only thing that has gotten me through at this point. I became even more of a mother and a father. In the process, I have even less time to focus on the needed technical skills for my new trade. So in a way, I came out of college being less technical than I was when I went in. The accumulated wisdom from my stay-at-home experiences has taken the light off of any career ambitions. I love the job I already have. My kids mean everything to me. Day-cares are no place for children. Public schools don't teach the fundamentals that they need. Kids need a full time parent. But these days, that creates an income problem. It's a Catch-22. Society has become anti-family. Cost of living has risen while wages have not. So both parents are forced to work if a high quality of life is desired. So we are forced to lower our standards and expect less. That's okay. Kids are number one.

jj678 of KY 8:40AM July 30, 2012

This trend will begin to die right about the time that the first bread-winner woman gets the papers filing for no-fault divorce, has her kids awarded to the primary caregiver who moves them across the state, and gets saddled with ridiculous child support payments and/or palimony.

disgustedvet of VA 11:23PM October 11, 2011

I have ran a home-based E-Commerce Marketing and Distribution Firm since 2001 which supported myself, my wife and two daughters. My Wife and I were able to stay home and raise our children.....an awesome experience and the reason, I beleive, my two daughtrers are "well-rounded" children. The recession of 2007 hit my business hard and after burning through our savings from the "good" years my wife and I both started to look for careers outside the home. My wife, Sharon, was the first one to find a full-time position with the FBI and this meant I became the primary caregiver for my daughters. All our freinds call me Mr. Mom or Mrs. Dad, and at first I was not comfortable with the title, and my in-laws probably are not thrilled, BUT, I LOVE WHAT I DO. I just recently told a family member what my responsibilities and services are and they include: Father, Dad, Husband, Coach, Entrepreneur, Mentor, Chef, Kid Transport Executive, Pool Service Technician, Groundskeeper/Landscaper, Laundry Technician (part-time), Executive Grocery Shopper, Nurse, Animal Caregiver, Trash Technician, Car Wash Technician, Soccer Dad, Softball Dad, Insect/Ant Abatement Technician, Carpet Cleaner Technician, School Counsel Board Member, and Homework/Research Executive Assistant. As my wife tells me "I couldn't have the career I have without you being home", and after I became the sole stay-at-home parent, I beleive she is right. If we both worked outside the home, I am not sure we would be successful at everything we do. Don't get me wrong, we need to make more money to dig ourselves out of the hole the recession put us in, but at the same time, I firmly beleive our kids would suffer and I will sacrafice my short-term goals to make sure my kids have one of us around.....it's vital in today's world. So, at this time we are doing our best to keep "the wheels moving forward", and while I am able to stay home to run my business, care for our children, look after all home related issues then we will keep this situation operational. Now, from time to time, I do feel that I am not doing enough for the family from a finaincial standpoint if my monthly sales are down, and at times I feel inadequate being labeled a "Mr. Mom", and at times I feel bad when our kids want something and I say "no, we can't afford it right now" but when I take them to school and pick them up, when I go to soccer/softball practices/games, when I am able to got to school events, when I am able to pick them up from school when they are sick, when I am able to fix them a snack after school, when I am able to be not only their Father, their Dad, but also their friend.......that's when I say. " I love what I do", and when I see a child that has an absent Father/Mother in their life, that's when I am thankful for my current situation. Despite all my inadequacies that other people like to exploit or make fun of.....I know one thing....I can look back and say that I did not fail at raising my daughters.

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Charles Claybrooks of WI 8:56PM May 09, 2011

My fiance is a stay at home dad, not by choice however! He has been unable to get a decent job and its not worth paying for daycare for him to have a part-time job; therefore until something stable comes aroud for him its just easier for him to stay home! Plus I work third shift at my job therefore its nice to know that my 4 year old and 2 month old are able to stay at home and in there beds with there father as suppose to a baby sitter. We do need two income but are surviving off of mine and personally it doesnt bother me! Like I said before, id rather have my kids at home with their dad as suppose to a stranger!

Kush of VA 12:58AM March 18, 2011

I must say I'm loving being a stay at home dad to our 2 year old girl. I'm an Designer/ Tattoo artist by trade. I'd been working as a designer at a sign shop for some time when the owner fell ill and closed the place down. By chance my wife was brought on partime at an accounting firm the day before my boss told me of the news. Having lost my job opened my wife up for a full time spot at the same rate of pay. Plus I have a nice at home studio and still do some custom tattooing here and there.
I know it probably don't happen often but we could not have asked for a smoother transition. We both had an intresting few week to adjust to our new roles and our Lil one seemed confused few the first week. But know everything is going great. My wife picks at me and says I'm better at running the house than she is. I ain't taking that bait but I do try to do my best and I can already notice a strenghening in my bond with my little girl. She has begun to nuzzle and cuddle up with me in a manner she had only ever really done with mom.
All in all, I would have to say, if a dad has a chance to be Mr. Mom I would say jump at the chance! I would however reiterate Dean of OR. You should probably all ready know if you have the personality for it. It may not be for every man!

Jay of GA 12:03AM March 09, 2010

My husband stays home with our son, because it makes financial sense and is best for our babe! I am a physician and he is an artist and real estate agent. I have a very successful private solo practice, I love my work, and it would make no sense for our family for me to drop what I do and stay home. While this choice seems so obvious to us, I have been stunned by my family's reaction to my husband's decision to stay home with our son. The same parents that encouraged me to be whatever I wanted to be, regardless of gender, are incredibly suspicious of my husband for staying home with the baby! I have pointed out to them their lapse in critical thinking on this one, and I think they are coming around. There is a double standard out there, and I wish there weren't. Because my husband stays home, I was able to breastfeed our son throughout the first year of life as my husband drove him the short distance to my office everyday for lunch :) I do not feel the mommy guilt while at work, because I know that my baby is with his very capable daddy. Let me also say that this has been very therapeutic for my husband . . . his parents divorced when he was very young, his father virtually vanished and he was then raised by a single mother who worked 80 hours a week leaving him to effectively be raised by his sister. Bonding with his child like this has been the sweetest experience for him, so much more healing than therapy :) My only wish is that people would be more accepting of this choice! We accept that women can be professionals . . . why can't we accept that a man can stay at home with the children?

laura of CA 2:21AM October 05, 2009

It is a child's right to be raised by both of their fit parents but our society focuses on the mother as the legal care giver without respect to the actual need for the father as a different type of caregiver. Get politically active and demand that your state legally recognize Presumed Equal Child Custody now!

Darrick Scott-Farnsworth of MI 7:55AM July 10, 2009

In 1993 I lost my teaching job and my wife happened to land a job. We had three young children at the time, two in diapers. I began my career as a full time stay at home dad and I delivered newspapers in the morning before my wife went to work to earn a little money. Those 5 years I stayed home with the children reaped so many rewards. People always comment on how grounded and happy they are.
No daycare could have every provided the love, care and attention that I gave my own children. Yes, we did live on very little money for a number of years. When the kids were in school, and pretty independent, I went back to school and got a masters in speech pathology and now have a great job. The years I spent at home raising my children, observing them, learning and playing with them was not only helped develop a strong bond with them, it also was great training for how to teach children in a loving way.
I will say that staying home and raising children requires patience and commitment. Also, I did feel the sting of comments from people who could not accept the fact that a Man was capable of caring for children.I just brushed them off. The media is filled with funny caricatures of men who are failures at domestic chores. What they don't show is just how versatile men can be.
Not only can we often cook, clean, play with children, be creative, remodel the house, fix all manner of stuff, but can also care for children.
My wife was wonderful with the kids when she stayed home with them. But, we both agree that I was actually better suited to be with them at home. I really love kids and enjoyed it. I think that is important. If you don't enjoy children, then staying home with them all day, is not a good thing. Kids will pick up on that instantly. Some people just can't handle being with kids. They need to be in he adult world.

Dean Vanderbush of OR 3:25PM July 08, 2009

Not in Austria!
My dad tried to stay home and look after me, but my mom kicked him out.
In Austria, the mom does ALL of the parenting and nothing is shared with the father.

Paula Angelique Hafner of DC 7:18PM June 28, 2009