How to Take Criticism Without Getting Defensive

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2 out oif 10

bill jack of AL 10:33AM September 08, 2011

As a manager delaing with a difficult and tense staff situation, and as a managee who has always previously found taking criticism to be a very painful affair, this article really helped me through recent staff appraisals - both as appraiser and appraisee.
I always set very high standards for myself (and my managers!) and, in the past, I always felt deeply wounded by any suggestion that I had scope for improvement in my work... to the extent that I put myself in a position where I used to alienate myself from managers who became afraid to help me learn because they were afraid of what my reaction might be.
Becoming a manager myself has helped me to see things differently. Alongside this, the process of forcing myself to listen, really listen, to my manager and then to reflect back what I'm hearing and make a commitment to thinking things through/making changes, has really helped me to progress with my career development.
I've come to terms with the change by setting myself a new high standard... I no longer strive to be recognised as the 'perfect' employee, but I now strive to be the 'perfect' appraisee... the one that can take it on the chin and make the appraisal process a pleasure for the boss. It gets me a lot further than I ever got in my defensive days.... ;)

Annie 8:30AM September 01, 2008

Well written. Much earlier in my career I was defensive to criticism myself, failing to look beyond my efforts and find any scope of improvement, when it came from others. Then once I was humiliated in front of the entire department by the department head (much like PP's situation). I was devastated and almost quit. Then I thought of the situation as a challenge and started taking inputs from my manager and colleagues. It took me six months of extra hard work and initiatives to change the boss' perspective about my work.
I started to realize the role of feedback then, both how to take it, and how to give a feedback. I attended a "how to give feedback" session and read what I could about feedback on the internet. Has helped me enormously when I give feedback to my juniors now.

Subhadip P 3:27AM August 19, 2008

I am currently in the situation, where my new boss, who is not aware of my role in the project, criticised me indirectly to my senior. When I asked how did he get this impression, his explaination was that, he got the feedback about me from someone else (more than 4 people) within the group.
It came to me as a shock as I never saw this coming. I would have appreciate had he talked to me directly and gave me the feedback. I have had these experiences in the past and I do take feedback(good/bad) very gracefully and work on them to improve myself.
But in this case it was indirect and it really hurt me as a commited team member in the project.

Arun Gaikwad of NJ 2:12AM July 17, 2008

PP: That sounds like a horrible boss. Ridiculing and insulting employees (and publicly, no less!) or allowing others to do it sounds like a boss who doesn't understand his or her role. In a case like this, I don't think I'd go over his head -- unless there's someone you can go to who you have an excellent relationship with and/or who's known for stepping in when warranted. Instead, I think ultimately you'd need to decide whether it's an environment you're willing to work in -- are there other things that make it worth putting up with? Factor everything in and then decide from there ... but make it a deliberate choice either way, rather than just staying by default.

Alison Green of DC 3:58PM July 03, 2008

I have been in situations when honest mistakes were acknowledged as mistakes openly in group meetings by efficient and hard working people. However, it was treated as individual weaknesss and many times ridiculed and insulted by others including the boss. Even after the boss was informed that this is inappropriate, it continued indicating that the manager approves this sort of attitude from himself and by others close to him. How do you manage a situation like this? Should you ignore, go to higher authorities (complaining against your boss never really succeeds I understand), or quit the job?

PP of MA 10:56AM July 03, 2008