When The Boss's Wife is The HR Department

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I'm an independent contractor at a small massage therapy business. The owner & his wife work Friday, Saturdays & Sundays. Unfortunately, she is a control freak and runs almost all aspects of the business. I addressed a question to him via email which she responded angrily. A few minutes later she sent a 2nd email that was even more angry then the first. My reply to both emails were, "Thank you for the information and enjoy your day." I refuse to respond any other way than professional and mature.
All last night I dreaded going to work today because I knew there would be tension. Needless to say, she raised her voice at me in front of a client telling me I don't appreciate anything. I asked her if we could step away from the desk to talk and she said she didn't want to talk to me.
I spoke to the owner of the business about her shoddy treatment toward me and all he said was that things will blow over soon and please be patient. I enjoy my job and my clients, but refuse to be treatly badly. I've been looking a new job for a while....no luck. Because of the recession I can't quit and hope to find something in a day or 2.
P.S. At one time or another she has mistreated all of the therapists and she constantly yells at her husband (the owner) in front of staff and clients.
PLEASE HELP!!!

Paula Amos of IL 7:11PM August 01, 2009

As one that has been involved in Human Resources and Business consulting, I see the overriding issue here being that Human Resources must have the capacity for neutral arbitration of issues. In many states this is a legal requirement. Very often, a spouse can not be neutral. Suppose the situation was that the employee in question was female and the boss male. What on earth would happen should the female employee go to HR to complain that the boss is making passes at her? Worse yet, should this scenario take place and HR find the boss innocent of any wrongdoing, you can bet that employee has an excellent case for a lawsuit. Any competent lawyer would have the boss and his HR spouse working for the wronged employee, as she'd be the new owner of the company. In any situation such as this the firm should be able to retain a firm that specializes in HR arbitration, it may be expensive but I guarantee the potential lawsuits will cost more.

Mick G of IL 5:28PM May 27, 2009

As president of an HR consulting firm specializing in small- and mid-sized companies, I can say this is a very common situation. I've seen the owner's wife, mother, sister, neighbor, and even mistress be the "HR" person. Unfortunately it seldom works well and they seldom recognize it.
We have been successful in explaining the importance of offering multiple points of contact for reporting harassment, etc. and can implement a "hotline" (phone and dedicated e-mail) for the employees to report problems and issues directly to us. (Usually this conversation is tied to the development of policies for the employee handbook.) Some pay a flat fee for the year and others want to pay when someone uses the program. Either way when there's a problem we can address it as an impartial third party. The "HR" person usually loves getting these situations off their plate!

CANIAHR, LLC of NY 12:52PM May 18, 2009

Even if the complaint/harassment process includes HR - the first step should always be attempt to solve the problem prior to filing a formal complaint. That's part of being a grown up. You've tried the direct approach now it's time to formally complain. Even if the boss' wife is the HR department - IF she is knowledgable in HR and the boss is wrong - she will handle the complaint.
I've been the bosses wife as the HR department - I can confidentaly say that I approached the boss in that situation more direct than at any other boss in my career.

Deb H of OK 10:33AM May 18, 2009

I'm an attorney that represents employees, and I have to say that if you follow the advice provided here to not complain to HR, you will have not followed the appropriate channels to resolve your claims. For example, if you feel you are being harassed, discriminated against or are in a hostile work environment, you are required to report this to HR. If you do not and the harassment continues or you are fired because of it, if you have not followed the proper protocols or complained, the company will not be liable for the harassment. Nor is the company responsible for remedying the harassment if you don't follow the procedures they set out - such as reporting to HR. In order to protect your legal interests, you must review the company's policies and procedures, and then follow them. Once you do that, you are protected from retaliation.

Amanda A. Farahany of GA 3:15PM May 15, 2009

Unfortunately, yes, this is allowed, unless the company has a policy against hiring famiy to avoid conflicts just like this. Is it good business to have your neutral member of the management team be the boss's wife? Not so much.
It is a possiblity that the wife was a very competent HR Manager, but regardless of her skills, the perception of bias would be there, and perception is reality. I personally don't know how she could have run an effective HR dept in that situation. And obviously if no one wanted to go to her to discuss concerns, she couldn't.
Again, the boss and the wife may both be very ethical, trustworthy people, but the perception of a bias creates a conflict of interest regardless of the qualities of the people involved.

Just Another HR Lady 2:38PM May 14, 2009

can be either the best or worst places to work, depending on the ethics and the motivations of the owners.
I was fortunate to be a "non-family-member" employee (their accounting controller from 1973 to 1994) in a "family" company for 21 years, and it was one of the good ones.
In order to live happily ever after in such an environment, you CANNOT attempt to pit an owner against an owner's wife on any issue whatsoever. I lobbied both of them daily as though my work life depended upon it (which it did).

Muser of NM 11:22AM May 14, 2009