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When The Boss's Wife is The HR Department

May 14, 2009 RSS Feed Print

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Suzanne Lucas

I worked for a small, husband and wife- owned company. The husband was my boss and also the President of the company. His wife? The entire HR Department. Isn't this, oh, I don't know, a conflict of interest? There were several instances where I had a problem with the way my boss treated my coworkers and me, but didn't really feel comfortable talking about it with his wife. Is it the type of situation where having your wife as HR is a bad idea, but there are no rules against it?

There are lots of things that are bad ideas, but businesses do them anyway. Now, is it a good idea or a bad idea to have the boss's wife in charge of HR? Well, that depends on the people involved. If she's a competent HR person, then I'm all for it. If she was hired because shes the boss's wife, well then, that's a whole different ball of wax. Remember, the point of HR is to help the business succeed, not to play referee between employees and management.

I think your concern is that if you go to HR (the wife) and say, "Your husband is treating me like dirt," she'll be defensive and she'll take his side. This is highly likely. What's even more likely is that regardless of the relationship between the president and HR, HR will take the president's side. Why? Because I have never seen a company where HR didn't have to report to the president.

You didn't like how you were treated. There are several ways to handle this and the worst way is to run to HR and complain about how unfair things are. The best way is to handle it like a grownup. HR certainly can be involved, but it doesn't have to be. Take it up with the boss directly first.

Problem: You're overworked.

Wrong way: "Hey boss, you are overworking me, you slave driver. Don't you know I have a life outside this office?"

Right way: "Hey boss, when you hired me I was responsible for project A. Now, three years later, I'm responsible for A, B, and C. Can you help me set priorities and figure out a way to accomplish this? From what I see, we may need to hire someone to take responsibility for C because ..."

Problem: The boss is a screamer

Wrong way: Run to HR and say, "Waah, boss yells at me!"

Right way: (Calmly) "I don't appreciate being yelled at." Then leave the room. (Note, this may result in you being fired, but more likely boss will eventually learn that he can't yell at you. There are risks to being a grownup.)

Problem: The boss is a flake and you never know what to expect.

Wrong way: "I never know what I should be doing! Your priorities keep changing. How on earth do you expect me to accomplish anything when you can't make up your freaking mind????"

Right way: "Can we have regular 1:1 meetings to make sure were on the same page?"

You can even bring HR (boss's wife) in on this by asking her to help you. Yes, I know, in your mind the boss is the one with the problem. But, the reality is, he's the boss. And having an underling point out his shortcomings will not make him more pleasant to work with. The questions to ask: "How can I?" and "What would be the best way for me?" and, "Would it be possible for me to take a communications training class?"

I fully realize that some bosses are never going to be nice to work for. Some HR people are not going to be helpful. Some people don't recognize that for the best results you want the best people and to get the best people you have to treat them fairly. Stinks, but that's reality. You can change yourself, but not other people. You can ask for help in changing yourself, or you can get out. But, it's unlikely that the president of any company is going to have an HR person that reams him out for treating an employee poorly.Come to think of it, a wife just might be willing to do that where a regular employee might not. So, maybe it's not such a bad idea after all.

Suzanne Lucas has nine years of human resources experience, most of which has been in a Fortune 500-company setting. She holds a Professional in Human Resources Certificate from the Society for Human Resource Management. She blogs at Evil HR Lady.

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Same thing with my organization, an international development nonprofit. The boss's wife has a lot of HR experience, so she would come in and volunteer every now and then because she couldn't find a job for like, 2-3 years. We already had an HR full-time staff and now we have an HR part-time staff. The Board decided that they will approve to hire the wife as a part-time HR consultant. We don't need a consultant, and there was no formal job description ever posted for such a position.Now she has her nose in everything, and delegates everything to our HR manager, who is now powerless to handle our grievances. We have had so many issues and a very high turnover rate because of it. Ironically, my boss WILL NOT hire local people for primary positions in the countries we work in because "they will use nepotism and hire everyone in their families." Even worse now, the wife is trying to become some sort of international development guru, planning projects with us and basically taking on the side of the boss in any project activity he plans, even if it's unsustainable and we are all against it. She acts like she has a development background, when she doesn't. (Like someone who has no background in law but is married to a lawyer, so that makes it okay for her to tell people at the law firm what they should be doing). She also makes executive-level decisions, and speaks on behalf of HR at all board meetings. In my almost 2 years of being there, I have NEVER been allowed to speak at the board meetings. Am I working in a fun-fair?

chewed up & spit out of CA 10:15PM June 28, 2012

I'm an independent contractor at a small massage therapy business. The owner & his wife work Friday, Saturdays & Sundays. Unfortunately, she is a control freak and runs almost all aspects of the business. I addressed a question to him via email which she responded angrily. A few minutes later she sent a 2nd email that was even more angry then the first. My reply to both emails were, "Thank you for the information and enjoy your day." I refuse to respond any other way than professional and mature.
All last night I dreaded going to work today because I knew there would be tension. Needless to say, she raised her voice at me in front of a client telling me I don't appreciate anything. I asked her if we could step away from the desk to talk and she said she didn't want to talk to me.
I spoke to the owner of the business about her shoddy treatment toward me and all he said was that things will blow over soon and please be patient. I enjoy my job and my clients, but refuse to be treatly badly. I've been looking a new job for a while....no luck. Because of the recession I can't quit and hope to find something in a day or 2.
P.S. At one time or another she has mistreated all of the therapists and she constantly yells at her husband (the owner) in front of staff and clients.
PLEASE HELP!!!

Paula Amos of IL 7:11PM August 01, 2009

As one that has been involved in Human Resources and Business consulting, I see the overriding issue here being that Human Resources must have the capacity for neutral arbitration of issues. In many states this is a legal requirement. Very often, a spouse can not be neutral. Suppose the situation was that the employee in question was female and the boss male. What on earth would happen should the female employee go to HR to complain that the boss is making passes at her? Worse yet, should this scenario take place and HR find the boss innocent of any wrongdoing, you can bet that employee has an excellent case for a lawsuit. Any competent lawyer would have the boss and his HR spouse working for the wronged employee, as she'd be the new owner of the company. In any situation such as this the firm should be able to retain a firm that specializes in HR arbitration, it may be expensive but I guarantee the potential lawsuits will cost more.

Mick G of IL 5:28PM May 27, 2009