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How to Rebuild Your Community After a Layoff

May 20, 2009 RSS Feed Print

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Karen Burns

When you lose your job, you lose more than a paycheck. You lose your community.

Many workplaces are like families. Companies encourage this because an emotional attachment to your coworkers and a desire to support them is often what’s behind your “choice” to work nights and weekends for no extra pay.

You may even be one of the increasing number of Americans who has few or no friends outside of work, which makes losing a job an emotional, as well as financial, blow.

This is bad because isolation is debilitating. Sure, you can join Toastmasters, volunteer at the food bank, or take up ballroom dancing. But if the prospect of all that exhausts you, try this: Identify one person you know who has a ton of friends, acquaintances, and colleagues. Everyone knows someone like this.

Now this idea may sound simplistic, but that’s the beauty of it. Take this person out to coffee. Explain that you’re looking to expand your range of acquaintances and ask for the names of five new people—both those who might lead you to a new job and people who would just make good friends.

Why would this person oblige? First, it’s a flattering request and, second, you’re buying the coffee. But, third and even more important, it’s specific. You’re not whining, “I know no one.” You’re asking for five names. It’s a clean transaction with a clear beginning and end.

Voilà. You’re on your way to building a new community—one not dependent on any particular job.

Karen Burns, Working Girl, is the author of The Amazing Adventures of Working Girl: Real-Life Career Advice You Can Actually Use, to be released by Running Press in April 2009. She blogs at karenburnsworkinggirl.com .

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JhoKpiZMyYAuKpa of 10:41AM August 10, 2009

Karen, I usually love what you write, but you missed it on this one.
I know lots of people. Most of them do not work where I do. If some newly laid-off person calls me up, buys me coffee and asks me for five names, my "no" will be good to the last drop. There's not a farthing's chance that I'll divulge a single name.
Why? First, because none of the three reasons you gave that I might want to cooperate are actually valuable to me nor to those whose names I won't provide -- the "price" offered is far too cheap.
Second, because the people I know are treasures to me. I do not pawn other people on to them haphazardly.
Third, and this is the most important reason, if the newly laid-off person is *just now* asking to know people, it is only because they're looking for someone to do something for them; they are looking for people to *use*. They are not actually looking for people with whom to build relationships. Consequently, I take this scheme you're suggesting as disingenuous.
Your advice *for all of us* should be to nurture the relationships in our community now, simply for the sake of being interested in other people, for the sake of genuine fellowship, and for the sake of knowing other people in some context other than work. When you know people like that, they'll rush to your aid if you need anything and they feel they can help -- including when you need a job.
If, however, you're not genuinely interested in others before you need something from them, please just stick to attending professional society meetings and networking groups or communing on Linked-In.

Bill Gross of WI 1:18AM May 25, 2009