How to Rebuild Your Community After a Layoff

Karen, I usually love what you write, but you missed it on this one.

I know lots of people. Most of them do not work where I do. If some newly laid-off person calls me up, buys me coffee and asks me for five names, my "no" will be good to the last drop. There's not a farthing's chance that I'll divulge a single name.

Why? First, because none of the three reasons you gave that I might want to cooperate are actually valuable to me nor to those whose names I won't provide -- the "price" offered is far too cheap.

Second, because the people I know are treasures to me. I do not pawn other people on to them haphazardly.

Third, and this is the most important reason, if the newly laid-off person is *just now* asking to know people, it is only because they're looking for someone to do something for them; they are looking for people to *use*. They are not actually looking for people with whom to build relationships. Consequently, I take this scheme you're suggesting as disingenuous.

Your advice *for all of us* should be to nurture the relationships in our community now, simply for the sake of being interested in other people, for the sake of genuine fellowship, and for the sake of knowing other people in some context other than work. When you know people like that, they'll rush to your aid if you need anything and they feel they can help -- including when you need a job.

If, however, you're not genuinely interested in others before you need something from them, please just stick to attending professional society meetings and networking groups or communing on Linked-In.

Bill Gross of WI 1:18AM May 25, 2009