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Why Your Coworkers Might Not Be the Problem

June 4, 2009 RSS Feed Print

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Suzanne Lucas

I was sitting at my computer, working. The windows were open and I could hear the neighbors outside. Suddenly, a man's voice started to get louder and louder. I got up angrily to investigate. How inconsiderate could this guy be? It became clear that it was a television, and that made me more annoyed. Have some respect for other people, I thought.

Then I noticed that the loud noise was coming from my television and my one year old had managed to find the remote control and turn the volume all the way up. It wasn't my neighbors who were being obnoxious and rude. It was me. (Because, of course, it is my responsibility to monitor the toddler with the remote.) Oops.

When people write me with their questions, they often want me to fix the loud noise that someone else is making. They often forget that sometimes they're not only contributing the problem, but causing it.

Is your coworker rude to you? Doesn't say good morning to you? Well, stop and ask yourself, do you say good morning? When you go out to lunch, is she invited? Do you talk over her in meetings, or insult her work?

What about a boss that micromanages your work? Did he always do this, or did he just start? If he just started, can you identify when it began? Was it when you totally forgot about an important report and he got reamed out by his boss? Was it when you started taking longer and longer coffee breaks?

It's true that sometimes coworkers are obnoxious and bosses are jerks. (Or the other way around.) It's also true that you are the only person you can control. Change your behavior and see if your boss changes her tune, or at least turns down her volume.

Suzanne Lucas has nine years of human resources experience, most of which has been in a Fortune 500-company setting. She holds a Professional in Human Resources Certificate from the Society for Human Resource Management. She blogs at Evil HR Lady.

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Hi Suzanne,
I've just turned in my first paper. I can explain more if you like, but will note my question here: What's the best way to deal with someone (a boss) who is short tempered? I can't tell if he wants to micromanage my work, or if something else is bothering him.
I'm a writer, and the paper took two months to research and write. I had the benefit of being able to review some of the previous writer's research. She had been working on the paper for ten months. My boss told me he realized he'd made a mistake in hiring her after seeing her writing. I saw it, too, and agree that writing isn't her strong suit.
I asked him what he thought of my writing -- and he was quite complimentary. In the past, I haven't had the courage to ask, then, I would worry. So, this time, I thought I'd ask so that I could adjust early in the process. The writing style was similar to the 90+ paper I submitted during the interview process. (The topic was entirely different.) So, I'm not sure where his grumpiness came from (me, the paper, not enough sleep . . .). Writing style aside, to synthesize ten months of research and write a paper in two months time was quite an accomplishment -- so his grumpiness seemed out of order.
One other note -- he is a professor, and the paper will be used in a graduate level course. I'd heard that the academic world can be much different than the corporate one. He seemed very unprofessional.
I'd be happy to "look at me" -- if so, what should I look at? Or, was this just a case of an unprofessional boss?
Your thoughts?

paige of WI 12:34PM June 06, 2009

But I believe that it is sometimes possible to control SOME other people SOME of the time--with kindness, even (or perhaps especially) when undeserved.

Muser of NM 12:32PM June 04, 2009