7 Reasons You Won't Want to Manage a Friend

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I think there must be something wrong with most people because I have worked with my best friend, off and on, for almost 15 years and we are perfectly suited to working together. She's been my boss, I've been hers, and we've been joint project managers and co-workers. At a guess, the reason we are able to pull this off is because we are 100% honest with each other at all times. We don't have to face the issues of passive aggressive BS in the face of some work related thing that could strain our personal life and we don't have personal drama that leaks into work causes upheaval there either.
I think the reason people can't work with and for friends says a lot about how people deal with friendships, boundaries and communication. It seems to only be a universal rule because many people can't open their mouths and speak their minds appropriately when it counts.

mouse of WA 10:00AM September 03, 2010

Although I recognize that it could just as easily have not worked well, I hired a very close friend into a critical position. He worked for me for 18 months or so, whereupon destabilization of the company as a whole sent him off to something new. I gave him three performance reviews, frank and honest feedback and treated him the same as I would have treated anyone else in his position. We're still very close.
I'm also the type who becomes close with reports if they're open to it, though. Yes, I've had to coach them on negative traits. Yes, I've had to warn them that their jobs were in jeopardy. Yes, I've had to keep secrets from them and even lay a few of them off - all of that is very hard. If your personal relationship, however, is separated from your working relationship, none of these things are a problem. Above all, if you are fair, it can be done.

Matt 10:48AM September 03, 2009

Last year, I was promoted to a management position in which I effectively became the manager of at least five of my close friends at work. It was probably the most challenging and awkward transition I've ever gone through, but I've made it and I still have mixed feelings.
For the most part, the transition worked as well as to be expected because we set expectations fairly clearly and made sure there was a collaborative relationship rather than a hierarchical one wherever possible. However, the main thing I struggled with was confidentiality, as you mention above. One of the cornerstones of my "style" is transparency, and once I walked into the management role, I was adamantly told to keep my lips sealed with regard to more than a few things. Incredibly challenging, especially since my friends are used to coming to me for information.
A year and a half later, I feel like I've developed a strong management mindset as a result of this experience. My friendships are still there, but I'd be naive to think I'm included in every activity that goes on in the office.
http://www.lifeinasuit.com

Steve of CA 3:56PM June 10, 2009

After I was laid off, a wonderful friend asked if I wanted to work for her in her small business. She is brilliant at what she does (interior decorating) and wanted someone to manage the back-office operations. After I evaluated her estimating, billing and other processes, it was really clear to me what she needed to do to make more money: she was disorganized and wasted way too much time with one client who rarely bought anything. I tried to get her to fire the client (there were other, paid projects left languishing while she tried to please Non-Buying Client), but she just wouldn't do it. I tried to get her organized, but you can make as many prioritized lists that you want, but you can't force someone to make a decision.
Things started to get tense between us. I finally decided that I would rather have the friendship than the job and told her I couldn't work for her any more. (It didn't hurt that I really wasn't making any money.) In the future, I'll do as I have done in the past: it is great if I become friends with co-workers and bosses (I am still friends with several of my former bosses, including the one who hired me for my first job out of college 24 years ago) but I won't try to make co-workers out of friends.

Annette of WI 8:20AM June 10, 2009

My best friend and I have a great working relationship. We're in our early 30s and have known each other since high school. We've worked together in two jobs, both of which she acted as my superior at one point and a co-project manager at another. We have that weird "psychic" vibe down where one of us finishes a report just as the other realizes they need it. Our strengths and weaknesses perfectly compliment each other.
But then I always found dating co-workers to work out rather well for casual dating, so I guess it's no surprise I'd be an inadvertent contrarian in this instance as well.

mouse of CA 2:27AM June 10, 2009

Don't make the mistake of becoming too chummy with the boss... things said to your "friend" could be used against you in a performance review. It happened to me.

Rebecca of CA 2:10AM June 10, 2009

Alison, you're exactly right about this. If you value your friendship with someone, do not hire that person as your employee.
The same goes for potential employees. If you value your friendship with someone, do not become an employee of that person.
There's also a very important corollary that is often overlooked: Managers, do not hope that an employee will become your friend.
The reality is that you can have an employee or you can have a friend, but you cannot have both in the same person.

whg of IN 12:44PM June 08, 2009