How to Stop the Office Bully

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I'm not sure it's possible to stop office bullies. The best solution is to avoid them in the first place. Sites like eBossWatch let job seekers do background checks on potential bosses to see what their employees really think about them.

Pat of CA 3:17AM February 12, 2010

"Why, in the first place, did Gina have to request that people stop asking her how much she weighed?"
My thoughts exactly. I can only guess that it's one of two things: 1) The "You look fabulous" comment gets followed up by "So what are you down to?" which isn't really mean in context but still inappropriate or 2) There's a bunch of bullies in this office.
It probably shouldn't be surprising that if the supervisor is making rude comments about this woman's weight that some of her peers feel comfortable making fun of her too.

RP of GA 3:13PM January 25, 2010

"Employment at will" has everything to do with this. A worker who brings a lawsuit over allegations that some supervisor referred to her (in conversation with others) as "fat" will probably lose both the suit and her job. Yeah, there are laws, and yeah, "employment at will" trumps most of them except for very specific provable acts of discrimination.

Muser of NM 11:45PM January 10, 2010

This is a conversation with the CEO or Legal Counsel first. If the person in question is the HR Manager, the company has far more problems than one upset employee. This is a clueless HR person who should be spoken to quickly before she takes the company down with her.
If I were in that situation, and it was said to me, I would look at the HR director, shake my head, and leave. Then I would walk straight into the the boss's office and say this: "I like this company. I enjoy working here. And I need to tell you a concern I have that may cost you a lot of money if it is not addressed. Tell me if I need to talk with you or our legal counsel first." I have had these kinds of conversations with CEO's before, and if it is addressed in the manner of "What's in it for you to hear me out" -- usually by bringing $$$ into the conversation -- you have a fighting chance. If my CEO would not back me up, I would not want to work in that company. Think ahead. This type of culture will implode eventually. Get off the ship if they won't address it.
This is not about "telling on" someone. It's about acting like a grown up. "Mr/Ms CEO, I have a concern that some of our managers do not have sufficient sensitivity towards persons who are different. I have witnessed/heard several comments that are insensitive and potentially libelous. Perhaps we need to address these before they get out of hand." Then relate more than one incident in a calm and matter -of-fact tone. No drama, no histrionics. "Here is what I heard. This is why it concerns me."
"Employment at will" has nothing to do with this. There are Federal and State laws, not to mention a lot of attorneys who are looking for this kind of lawsuit. Any CEO worth their salt wants to know about this before it becomes an issue. I've been in the business world for 30 years, and I've worn a lot of hats. Direct conversations with those who have the most to lose are usually the best route. Especially in situations that could cause litigation.

Beth Terry of AZ 2:40AM January 08, 2010

One other way to deal with a bully is to simply look at them, give them a pittying smile and leave. Then, if they ask you why you're leaving or shat you were smiling about - hit below the belt with their dispicable rudeness, lack of common sense, insensitivity and demeaning behavior by saying: "Sadly, you are so insensitive, rude, demeaning and thoughtless that I'm sure any explanation I give would be lost on you." Then stand there and let them sputter out some excuse and say: "You see, you are so insensitive, rude, demeaning and thoughtless that you actually tried to give me an excuse for your behavior." Then walk away.
This person will probably try many more times to "explain away her bahavior." When she does, repeat "You are so insensitive, rude, demeaning and thoughtless that you actually continue to try to give me an excuse for your behavior," and never say anything else to her again. Ever.
I've done it, and it shuts 'em up. Forever.

Lucy of CA 8:42PM January 07, 2010

"employment at will" is the biggest crock ever foisted on the American people. The outraged coworkers and Gina (too) OUGHT to be able to tell the bully supervisor to take a flying leap----since none of this is work related. But guess what, you can't. YOUR (conservative) Supreme Court thinks you ought to be "subordinated" to the whims of crappy supervisors.
Elect a president who will appoint Supreme Court Justices who have enough sense to know that a corporation is not a "person" and, as a result, does not have a "will". Yes, it may take a decade, and, yes, it's worth it.

Muser of NM 2:57PM January 07, 2010

P.S. Even if your state gives wide latitude on the use of recording devices to gather evidence , please resist the urge (understandable under the circumstances) to share the "fruits" of your labor with any third party -it is for your contracted legal representative's ear only. You might find that it could be turned back in your direction (liability) for causing said bully emotional stress.Proceed with that in mind.Good Luck.

Mark of RI 12:35PM January 07, 2010

It's called a digital recorder.The laws will vary from state to state about making all parties aware etc.so don't put all your eggs in that basket. BUT it can be very useful to provide your attorney with the threat ,abuse, insult,slander,or defamatory remarks uttered by the person verbatim-which will enable your attorney to formulate a line of questioning & strategy so tailored that it will shock and awe the creep while he is being cross examined,under oath & sweating profusely while the judge or jury observes him .BTW I am not an attorney.

Mark of RI 12:15PM January 07, 2010