Of the 5 siblings in our family, only my sister and I are involved in my mother's care at all. The other 3 don't even darken the door.
It was our firm intention NOT to put her in a rest home, but it didn't work out that way, due to her dementia. My sister tried to take her to her own home, and it was a disaster.
After finally getting her in a rest home, and much mental agony, I have come to see rest homes very differently. I think they are a blessing. Neither my sister nor I are equipped to care for her at the level that the rest home is able to care for her. We don't have the nursing skills, we don't have access to the wide variety of helpful meds, we don't have the body strength. While it was difficult for all of us, including my mother, to adapt... I no longer look at rest home care as a horrifying option. If you visit frequently and stay involved, it is a pretty darn good option.
Kathyof KY1:36PM March 29, 2010
My husband and I have been caring for my mother who has Parkinson's and dementia for over 10 years off and on, mostly on. I worked through most of this time, but retired early (age 58) because I couldn't keep up. Here are our pros and cons. PROS: mom feels safer and more comfortable at home with family and her health appears better, she is less isolated and eats better. I feel better about her being with us because I know she gets lonely in a facility. When it comes time for her to pass on, she will be surrounded by family in our home. CONS: my ability to exercise and socialize has been severely compromised, it is difficult to watch your family member who used to be so capable and active now unable to do anything she used to enjoy, when she is more confused, she can be dangerous to herself and must be watched just like a 2 year old child. It is stress on my relationship with my husband because my mother takes up so much of our time and we cannot travel and do things outside of the home like we used to do. My mother used to be critical of my husband also, and sometimes he resents all the time she takes out of our days. Unfortunately, my only sibling, my brother, is not motivated to help much, and this also creates resentment between us.
Judy Zoomof CA7:19PM March 22, 2010
Most people want to age in place and stay in their home. This can often be accomplished by having an assessment done and a plan designed that is compatible with the older adults level of functioning and their finances. Hiring someone to monitor the in home care givers is essential in ensuring that your loved one is safe.
To find a geriatric care manager visit :www.mymomnpop.com
susan Geffenof CA11:09PM February 05, 2010
This is an option: Home Care Help or Home Care Nursing. It is nice to know that in every city there is home help when you need it. Most people may choose help for their loved ones because they are unable to quit their jobs to become caregivers, or they need a break from caregiving. Adult day care can help lighten the load of responsibilities during the day.
To find Home Care Professionals, or Adult Day Care services, visit: www.GeriCareFinder.com
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Kathy of KY 1:36PM March 29, 2010
Judy Zoom of CA 7:19PM March 22, 2010
susan Geffen of CA 11:09PM February 05, 2010
Ron of CA 8:47PM February 05, 2010