Wives as Breadwinners Resent Husbands

I am 57 and have been a loyal husband for twenty five years. I was a menial laborer from age 18 to age 50. At age 50 I quit working so that I could play with my 9 year-old son on weekends. There was a reason why I could do this.

In 1996, I inherited $670,000. in stock from my deceased father, who was a very successful doctor. I am not mentally incompetent (I studied art which qualified me for nothing) and I was able to make some clever trades which made me 1.5 million and an income of $80-$85,000. per year. My portfolio is now worth close to 2 million. At the time which I quit working, I was age 50 and a retail slave at Target, rushing about to service a zillion people, and lifting 300 lb. crates in their stockroom; (no exaggeration).

I was unhappy because I could not get a weekend day off to play with my son.

I began to realize that my stock dividends were bringing me enough income to stop working and play with my son on weekends. I felt that I was going to miss any father-son time for backyard recreation during the last few years of my boy's childhood. (On schoolnights, he had to do his homework.)

So---I stopped punching the timeclock (literally) at age 50. What is horrifying is that my wife now hates me because I have this independent income, while she still works. She is a Catholic grade school teacher and has a very rigid work ethic. She makes $53,000. per year. The most I have ever made in my entire working life was $24,000. per year as an aide in a NY State group home. Now, I make over three times that amount, pay our property and school taxes, utilities, insurance, our children's tuition, etc., without a job. Yet she is furious because I watch TV while she is at work. She sees my spring-summer yard work as useless and meaningless; no job---thus repulsive. I have not been allowed sex for ten years. She turns tense, cold and silent if I try to express physical affection in any way whatsoever.

I do not understand why a woman would be angry because her spouse can afford to retire early. I realize that in general, women have a requirement for their partner to earn a living, but in my case I can now do it without a job. My "American dream" situation infuriates her. It is as if my wife cannot respect or see integrity in a man who is at rest, regardless of whether his good fortune has allowed him to retire early and still pay for living expenses. She has no understanding of what back-breaking drudgery I endured for 32 years. Over the past seven years I have developed severe arthritis and returning to constant physical labor would be painful. She does not believe this, despite the fact that I walk like an eighty year-old man.

I once heard that a woman in ancient tribal societies would choose a mate based on her assessment of whether he would stay, be a good provider, protect her and care for a child. These expectations have endured for tens of thousands of years. Is it my fault that I no longer need to chuck a spear to provide these?

Naef Basile of NY 4:10AM January 24, 2011