Wives as Breadwinners Resent Husbands

I am 57 and have been a loyal husband for twenty five years. I was a menial laborer from age 18 to age 50. At age 50 I quit working so that I could play with my 9 year-old son on weekends. There was a reason why I could do this.

In 1996, I inherited $670,000. in stock from my deceased father, who was a very successful doctor. I am not mentally incompetent (I studied art which qualified me for nothing) and I was able to make some clever trades which made me 1.5 million and an income of $80-$85,000. per year. My portfolio is now worth close to 2 million. At the time which I quit working, I was age 50 and a retail slave at Target, rushing about to service a zillion people, and lifting 300 lb. crates in their stockroom; (no exaggeration).

I was unhappy because I could not get a weekend day off to play with my son.

I began to realize that my stock dividends were bringing me enough income to stop working and play with my son on weekends. I felt that I was going to miss any father-son time for backyard recreation during the last few years of my boy's childhood. (On schoolnights, he had to do his homework.)

So---I stopped punching the timeclock (literally) at age 50. What is horrifying is that my wife now hates me because I have this independent income, while she still works. She is a Catholic grade school teacher and has a very rigid work ethic. She makes $53,000. per year. The most I have ever made in my entire working life was $24,000. per year as an aide in a NY State group home. Now, I make over three times that amount, pay our property and school taxes, utilities, insurance, our children's tuition, etc., without a job. Yet she is furious because I watch TV while she is at work. She sees my spring-summer yard work as useless and meaningless; no job---thus repulsive. I have not been allowed sex for ten years. She turns tense, cold and silent if I try to express physical affection in any way whatsoever.

I do not understand why a woman would be angry because her spouse can afford to retire early. I realize that in general, women have a requirement for their partner to earn a living, but in my case I can now do it without a job. My "American dream" situation infuriates her. It is as if my wife cannot respect or see integrity in a man who is at rest, regardless of whether his good fortune has allowed him to retire early and still pay for living expenses. She has no understanding of what back-breaking drudgery I endured for 32 years. Over the past seven years I have developed severe arthritis and returning to constant physical labor would be painful. She does not believe this, despite the fact that I walk like an eighty year-old man.

I once heard that a woman in ancient tribal societies would choose a mate based on her assessment of whether he would stay, be a good provider, protect her and care for a child. These expectations have endured for tens of thousands of years. Is it my fault that I no longer need to chuck a spear to provide these?

Naef Basile of NY 4:10AM January 24, 2011

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SabHamSpearve of AL 9:41AM July 07, 2010

First and foremost, I love my husband and daughter (who is only 5 months). While my husband and I contribute to the household evenly financially, I do earn more and have offered my husband the oppurtunity to be a "stay-at-home" father. I understand his reluctance (I would be the same if the roles were reversed). My big beef is with the fact that I STILL do everything for our daughther while my husband "babysits". I work 24/7 at one job or another. Although he is an awesome at sharing the hosuehold choirs, he doesn't do his fair share of raising our daughter; he does not change very many diapers, he's NEVER made a bottle (heating doesn't count) and I pay for EVERYTHING when it comes to her (medical expenses, Montesorri Academy, clothes, formula/diapers, etc.). I know he loves her, it's written on his face everytime they're together but I feel the "responsibility" isn't shared equally. Money isn't our issue...

dion of TX 7:05PM May 14, 2010

It all started when we had our first child. Before that we both used to work. Ironically, when we first got married, he was worried I was goung to leave off of him as I did not hve a job at the time (just finished school)!! he even got the nerves to set up a notebook to write down all the money he spent so I could pay him bk when I got job (I should have divorced him right there, but I was BLIND and in love. It tooks us 3 yers to get a car, even though he was making good money, because I could not put down the same amount of money he had for the car, so he truly waited until it could be bought 50/50. Then finally I started earning as much as him and he relaxed. Forward time 4 years an we hve our first child. 2 weeks after the baby was born, he tells me he has resigned from his job that he could not take it anymore. My naivity still high - I did not say anything and I assumed that he was going to try to find another job soon. Well, it has been 6 years and he still at home. He decided to be a stay-at-home-dad and that was that. I had no options. I truly thought that we could share the job of bringing our kids up, but no he has never giving me that chance. He is great dad, faboulous with the kids and he does his share of households chores. However, he is not willin to work so I can stay at home too,we could both go part tie and both enjoy both worlds. I hve done well with money, bt recently thins are tough and he does not shows any intentions of orking not even part time. Even knowing that we have only enough money to pay the bills. I resent the fact that he has always been all about himself and what he wants to do. He wants to be at home. He rather we sell teh house and downgrade the status tht I have worked so hard to chieve, just so he does not need to get a job. I do not know what to do anymore. I feel I cannot do anything to get him to work. If I resign to my job I wi

of 3:39PM February 08, 2010